I am no Scientist or Doctor or have any qualifications in the medical field but I am a person who didn’t have problems with low self esteem and that has brought up a son who gets me a lot of congratulations due to his behaviour and well grounded view on life. His strongest point is his ability to see the best in situations and for deciding that no matter how hard things get that he will find a way through it and do not drown in low self esteem as well.
A very wise person once told me “When you think you are in Hell DO NOT STOP. Keep going”. I think this is so true in today’s fast moving society. Unfortunately a lot of people these days go to pieces when they hit a hard patch, fall down, have feelings of low self esteem and do stop moving which results in their situation never getting any better.
Back to my son and the questions at hand! I took my part as a parent very serious when we discovered that my lovely wife was pregnant. I did a lot of reading on the development of a child’s mind. Having said that, most of my information came from my grandmother though. As I consider myself a good person I asked her what was her opinion on this. You see I was predominantly brought up by my Grandmother and if she did it right by me I have to listen to what she thinks and knows to ensure my son would grow up well also.
The following was the most important step that came out of our many hours of discussions with each other. When your child is first born your responsibility towards its future begins. Yes the day your child is born. You see if a person is loved they are able to cope with more in life and have a far more positive outlook and lifestyle throughout their life.
To this end we had made a conscious decision to NEVER say a negative word or to yell at our son – NO MATTER WHAT HE DID. Yes we had some testing times when he was young but you know what, we discovered what we thought were testing times were actually nothing compared to what we were told from other parents with children around the same age. This got me thinking; surely it could not be as simple as that. Don’t misunderstand me, my son did get into trouble whilst he was young, after all he was a child.
I am talking about the way that you handle these situations that determine a child’s future and his risk for low self esteem. You see whenever he did something that he was not supposed to we told him “You are Not a good boy at the moment and we know you usually are, why did you do this” and we did this without yelling but we did raise our voices. Let’s talk about this sentence. You see there is a lot behind the wording.
Firstly “You are not a good boy” you see it is widely accepted that words such as “you, not, are, a” are only filler words and do not get taken serious by our sub-conscious. Using this information you have to draw the conclusion that our son’s sub-conscious only actually heard “good boy”. We were told that this is positive reinforcement and Grandmother always used it so as not to trigger low self esteem.
Secondly by using “at the moment and we know that you usually are” provided, again, positive feedback by saying to him that this is not your normal behaviour and that usually he is a good boy. This, draws him away to the negative feeling about himself and then have feelings of low self esteem.
Thirdly by saying “why did you do this” it made him think that whatever it was, that he did, there are consequences for his actions and by the sounds of it they might not be good otherwise he would not have been halted or spoken to.
Today he has a great level of self esteem and at no stage of his life did he suffer from low self esteem.
Why did I tell you this story?
Fighting Low Self Esteem
Simply to tell you that positive reinforcement is a big part in improving your self esteem. You see I have discovered that a lot of people that are suffering from low self esteem are doing a lot of “negative talking to themselves”. I have heard some of these people even saying “stop that you fool you are a waste of a life” I can tell you that if you were to speak to yourself like this on an ongoing basis you would start to believe it and hence the low self esteem you are already suffering from (but don’t need to) has confirmation and holds you there longer if not drive you deeper.
Take positive action today and make a conscious decision to change all your self-talk to a positive nature and never again put yourself down, not even as a joke. You see even as a joke your mind still hears it and that is not the sort of thing you should be telling yourself if you are already suffering from low self esteem.Tags:building esteem,confidence,low self esteem,motivation,overcoming low self esteem,self building,self confidence,self conscious,self esteem,self image,self improve